1. |
Not My Own
04:22
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By the clench of the hand
By the grip of the fist
By the kick of the feet
I wish I could see
Moving me through its midst
By the forces that pull
And twist the dreams out my skull
Wring them out on the ground
And I will follow around
As long as I am a null
And if chained to the stone
I will carry the weight
Only if not my own
The path to follow is fate
The purveyor of lots
Of unseeable shoves
I'm fine with pins in my doll
As long as it is all
Coming down from above
The arrow of all the blame
Responsibility’s name
The will not on me
I would like to believe
In this one simple claim
And if chained to the stone
I will carry the weight
Only if not my own
The path to follow is fate
If I am condemned
Let me be
I am just as
I am made
Just as justice
Leaves no trace
Leave me anxiety
That I am just as I
Have made myself to be
By the clench of the hand
By the shake of the wrist
By the sweat of the palm
And the mind drenched in this
In the hardship of choice
That volition employs
All the doors slamming shut
Of potentials destroyed
There is a time to tear
And a time to sew
Jump a space white to black
As if following a track
Where it guides me to go
While the arrow of time
Has beginning and end
Shackled without the chains
I have rented my name
For to go off and spend
And if chained to the stone
I will carry the weight
Only if not my own
The path to follow is fate
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2. |
Sanctuary
03:01
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Trip, stagger and stumble on the
Well-worn wobbling trail,
Availing itself to the winds, the sand circles and spins,
It’s lifted and carried by gales,
Drifting as it gets inhaled,
Lung a sieve, sifting and living through details.
You let the sun go down on anger
Welled up from the day,
The half-living so long, slow decay,
It builds up and starts to weigh,
Lift it off.
If home is where the mind is, mine’s a frozen tundra,
Waiting, standing in one place, fading as it’s replaced,
Given then taken away,
Without a will there’s no way,
Thought permafrost,
Frozen in shelter and blind to the cost.
A sound that didn’t happen and a color we can’t see,
A sanctuary waits in
The great expanse of unknowing sin,
Light off me.
The pushing of all fallout thoughts out
From the light of day,
But they linger and prey on
Times when that wall is gone,
Helplessly free of the day,
And thought water waves flow one-way,
Passenger side,
Burning in moonlight and under high tide.
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3. |
Nightmare
03:20
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Chased through the place in the back of my mind,
Thousand year feel at the bending of time,
Pulling the corners, silence the wind,
Covers tucked tight, everyone in,
I couldn’t place the feelings that chase me,
Try to encase me and leave me in here,
Lock-step and filed, furtive and mild,
Break the formation, free-step and form disappears,
Break off and run, from there here there,
An endless staircase.
Sound went into me rattling bones,
Voice like a trumpet, Face like an oak,
And with just one voice everything spoke
In peals of thunder and streaming of smoke,
Torrid disaster, no running past
For the sound carries faster than feet carry me,
Footpath erased as the sky broke embracing
The diadems placed atop the white-hot face of the sea,
Stared straight at me, from there here there,
That endless stare.
And I don’t know the new song,
There’s a nightmare for those who can’t sing along,
With eyes so closed shut blind
And ears so deaf as mine,
No shake could wake me from the confines of my mind,
No falling mountain can hide you from within,
The face of what is to come, what is, and always has been.
Toppled in piles, back in the fray,
Best of us blessed and the rest led astray,
Darkening air from the smoldering hole,
Sun burns into black as sky rolls like a scroll,
Cutting and tearing into the very
Notion of self that I let my selves share,
Thought waters flowing, the confluence growing
And joining itself, turning into a singular pair,
No time, no space, both there here there,
An endless where? place.
Tongue like a sword cutting sharp, sharp words,
Ruining man by the major thirds,
In with a whimper and out with a bang,
Heard them all sing, heard them all sing
“Holy” with one voice, revelry, rejoicing,
Fat on the cheer of the shrilling below,
Symphony playing, stirring and swaying the mind
To allay and pull back on the reins of the show
Not here now here, nor there then there,
An endless scare.
Cause I don’t know the new song,
There’s a nightmare for those who can’t sing along,
With eyes so closed shut blind
And ears so deaf as mine,
No shake could wake me from the confines of my mind,
No falling mountain can hide you from within,
The face of what is to come, what is, and always has been to come,
And is in place atop the face of glory grace
And will become the face of what is to come, what is, and always has been
A circle, never-ending, space-time bending, ever-pending thought of mine.
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4. |
Red
03:45
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Grab and shake myself from myself, clutching and holding whatever is left,
Wrench and wake myself, break myself off from the thoughts that had steered me and took me in theft,
Wholly mistook in misinformation and shamed by the rage that inflamed in me, vision was blurred,
Caught up, stumbled, I tumbled and broke through the tangles of webs wrangling me, ensnared in the lair of their words,
Blazing red, gotta weave the thread back down,
Vessels boiled, all in coils so tightly wound,
Adding tension, the strings have a penchant for
Striking back those that struck them before
Crash and hit myself, witnessing all that I’d done to myself and my name,
Redirecting the source and the flow of my anger to dam it and damn me the same,
Filled up, built up with cracks in the concrete beginning to form, and the water beginning to warm,
Powers by me regardless of what I do want for myself and my mind and my wishes regarding reform,
Blazing red, gotta weave the thread back down,
Vessels boiled, all in coils so tightly wound,
Adding tension, the strings have a penchant for
Striking back those that struck them before
Is it a shredder or a sieve I give myself?
Is it a net or chains that strain my mental wealth?
Shouted rerouted around and spouts out over all I see
Until all of me is…
Blazing red, gotta weave the thread back down,
Vessels boiled, all in coils so tightly wound,
Adding tension, the strings have a penchant for
Striking back those that struck them before
All in stasis, this place is disgracing me, every step forward then back,
Human willpower will power every displacement of me onto the tranquil track,
Who among us has hung up in clear view the deep inner-workings of the storm of the angered mind,
Water of livid streams turns to steam and breaks free of the grounding that everything had abided, adhered to, been guided and geared to accept in all that they refined,
Grab and shake myself from myself,
Wrench and wake myself from myself,
Break myself off from my own mad,
Contained in a cage all those thoughts that I had
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5. |
Soon
04:01
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Everything that rotates around me,
In my vision but I can’t ever see,
The things placed outside of what I’ve left myself to find
Come visit when I’m helpless to me,
At midnight all the doors opened,
And all of the chains were cut loose,
I denied myself of the catharsis that such thoughts could produce
What else had my mind to loose
You spoke through me,
As I laid down and let mine free,
You spoke,
You spoke through the grasses as the flashes brought my mind back to me
Cold splash water came and took me away,
I guess the things I don’t I shouldn’t know yet
But faithfully I’ll return and return,
And I will learn to find the places we met,
Sitting time, ear to earth,
Digging dirt, in time reverse,
Sometimes come times to give some time
Sometimes come times to give some time
To process and relive some time
Forgive but not forget
Dug from graveyards of regret
Emotions banned
Since before the time that angels were thought to have to walk on land
Rolling sand
Wind guided swelling from direction of an iron hand,
You’ll know it’s me
When signs of three
Invade your mind
And you’ll find the moon
Just an object but it doesn’t mean it can’t be staring back at you,
And I’m like that too,
I’ll see you soon
See you soon
See you soon
See you soon
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6. |
Half Of Me
05:00
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A shot in the dark made for harking back marks scarred within,
Withstanding the branding that lures all the bad thoughts to spin,
Sprawled out and crawled out in deference to my inner sin,
And when I let mine in
The testimony’s thin
On behalf of the half of me that could help keep it all in
Shocked horrified by the wandering eye that I let go,
I pull back the reins but too late to refrain from a sick glow,
Inside of me lies my despised half-disguised biggest foe,
And when I let mine grow
The testimony’s slow
On behalf of the half of me that could help keep it below
On behalf of the half of me that could help keep me above all the weight that is placed on my rating when I get where I’m bound to go.
I’m being preyed upon
By powers beyond
Specially picked to be
Tempted and tricked
And I am caught between
A wager never seen
Selected, ordained for
Neglect, rejection, and pain
Shut in and locked in this long-standing gluttony contract,
As vile imaginings file in and force me to react,
Guarding my heart but the lust always drives itself back,
And when I let mine act
The testimony lacks
On behalf of the half of me that could help keep me intact
And when I let mine grow
The testimony’s slow
On behalf of the half of me that could help keep it below
On behalf of the half of me that could help keep me above all the weight that is placed on my rating when I get where I’m bound to go.
I’m being preyed upon
By powers beyond
Specially picked to be
Tempted and tricked
And I am caught between
A wager never seen
Selected, ordained for
Neglect, rejection, and pain
The world is full up of steep climbs,
They strike and break me in two
And as I wrestle with my time,
I see through
I see through
I see through it and know that although I am broken I can be mended through.
Placed in the corner disgraces to create a new mold
Scratching off habits that scab and try to regain control
The toil and the trouble to grow past the rubble of old
And when I mend my soul,
The testimony holds
On behalf of the half of me that helps keep all of me whole,
On behalf of the half of me that helps keep all of me whole and unripped by the weight of my rating when I get where I’m bound to go.
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7. |
The Break
06:30
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Lie to selves to keep what's true
Beyond broken and yet refuse any other views
Send light to project through that damaged lens
The one track mind that it defends
But mine calloused from many times before
Feels all the weight pushing down on the floor
The break is coming I can feel it bearing down upon my name,
It takes hold and takes control of all the thoughts that grace my brain,
It's just just a single thought but it can tear you down through time,
And up is what I give myself and shut myself off from the signs,
Each misfortune hits so hard
The heart gets harder as pride gets scarred
Patience for the world draining fast
Grains of sand through the hourglass
The sorry sorry self that's trapped inside the mind
The strength it takes to break past mine
The break is coming I can feel it slowly lifting up my name,
It takes time to finally feel the parts aligning in my brain,
It's just just a single thought but it can build you up through time,
And up is where I look as I walk forward guided by the signs,
The signs that form around me as
I dive down into the sleep that stirs the thoughts that run around my head,
I burrow deeper down in steel and lead,
It guards me from the logic that hits me when
I'm out of bed
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8. |
In Blankets
07:44
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Slept with one eye open wide
Lifted up the covers and shoved them aside
This one’s real, and that one is not
All wounds will heal, a cut trusting that it’ll clot
The pillow expands and billows out below the soil
The waves of the land, I till it and reap all the spoils
Of the mind, a growth of ideas unwind
Searching blind for all He has left me to find
Sealed deep inside,
Strange intentions
He confides
Consumed in the flame, a face that no hand will touch,
Assurances blazed, in blankets of signs I am tucked
Crawled up the steps and saw the whole world in a frame
Told its best to forget, I shed my regret and my shame
And when my dreams dry, I know all that’s left is my mind,
I comb it for traces of places the muse left behind,
Dissolved throughout, sifting through rivers of doubt
Revealed to me, as the dry ground begins to sprout
Sealed deep inside,
Strange intentions
He confides
Parted my mind
Leaving the center dry
With not a drop on sides to spill
It absolves me of my own will
Like all that grows, there’s seasons of what He will show
Times of plenty and times when nothing with flow
Some will store, and some will rot
Waiting for whatever is brought
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9. |
The Well
03:20
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Each repetitive motion’s another nail
I bend to the coffin of my will,
Got me out my head, and flung me out of my bed
With no ancient notion to fulfill.
Constant conversation in my thoughts
Between the things I’ve been given and the things I’ve brought,
Two blankets combined, and reconciled in my mind
So that what I’m given isn’t all I’ve got.
Move the self-moving self-losing self-lost
All the thoughts that had caught in a mental clot,
And the choosing self moves itself through the well, Loosing the weight thought innate
But distilled by the dreams turned to steam
When awake, boiled off once I was past the break.
In the condensation of myself,
Hands on the wheel, no hands dealt,
You can turn the thought, wilted weak-willed have-nots, From the disposition you have felt.
Four horse and seven nightmares come,
Strum the strings of destruction and the sound of a drum,
I’ll meet you there, in the pit of the lair,
Cause it’s nothing I can’t pull myself from.
Move the self-moving self-losing self-lost
All the thoughts that had caught in a mental clot,
And the choosing self moves itself through the well, Loosing the weight thought innate
But distilled by the dreams turned to steam
When awake, boiled off once I was past the break.
In the pit and it’s broken
With no flame to be stoked and
All bent to hope, so give me the rope,
Give me the rope, Give me the rope.
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10. |
Climb
05:26
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Give me the rope, give me the rope, give it
And I will climb my way out of here
Jagged the rocks jutting out, they can kill you
With a forceful hit and yet
When applied gentle touch
They help lift you in your place
Lifting own weight, lift it up
Taking yards from inches is the only way
Still have hands for to grab with
Still have arms for to pull with
Pulled myself from my own thoughts
The feedback loop which had had me caught
All come from one place,
All come from one return
I wasted my name
Until able to hold it up with dirt clearly there
Even the dirt needed for growing
Even the waste needed for growing is needed for growing
Burnt off the weight of inertial thinking
Lifted spirit before lifted mind before lifted body
Still have hands for to grab with
Still have arms for to pull with
Pulled myself from my own thoughts
The feedback loop which had had me caught
The devil will come, the devil will come taking forms
But I feel in each clench of the hand
My willpower cultivating beneath me
So give me the rope, give me the rope,
Give it and I will
Climb my way out of climbing my way out of here
Climbing my way out of climbing my way out of
Climbing my way out of here.
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